Thursday, May 10, 2007
Virtual DNA
I found this neat site where you can create your virtual DNA, it was kinda fun, I had it on here before but for some reason it wasn't showing my comments on the pictures I picked....so I redid it and put it on here, it's all the way on the bottom of the page above the 2000 bloggers widget...you can click on it to create your own if you want. Just thought it was cool and that I'd share...ok at least act like you are remotely interested would ya.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
The Dance
I have sent you my invitation, the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living. Don't jump up and shout, "Yes, this is what I want! Let's do it!" Just stand up quietly and dance with me.
Show me how you follow your deepest desires, spiralling down into the ache within the ache. And I will show you how I reach inward and open outward to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, everyday.
Don't tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart. Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.
Tell me a story of who you are,
And see who I am in the stories I am living. And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.
Don't tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day. Show me you can risk being completely at peace, truly OK with the way things are right now in this moment, and again in the next and the next and the next. . .
I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring. Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall, the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will. What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?
And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.
Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance, the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart. And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.
Show me how you take care of business without letting business determine who you are. When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul's desires have too high a price, let us remind each other that it is never about the money.
Show me how you offer to your people and the world the stories and the songs you want our children's children to remember, and I will show you how I struggle not to change the world, but to love it.
Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude, knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging. Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words, holding neither against me at the end of the day.
And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest intentions has died away on the wind, dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale of the breath that is breathing us all into being, not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.
Don't say, "Yes!"
Just take my hand and dance with me.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Show me how you follow your deepest desires, spiralling down into the ache within the ache. And I will show you how I reach inward and open outward to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, everyday.
Don't tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart. Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.
Tell me a story of who you are,
And see who I am in the stories I am living. And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.
Don't tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day. Show me you can risk being completely at peace, truly OK with the way things are right now in this moment, and again in the next and the next and the next. . .
I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring. Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall, the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will. What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?
And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.
Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance, the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart. And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.
Show me how you take care of business without letting business determine who you are. When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul's desires have too high a price, let us remind each other that it is never about the money.
Show me how you offer to your people and the world the stories and the songs you want our children's children to remember, and I will show you how I struggle not to change the world, but to love it.
Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude, knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging. Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words, holding neither against me at the end of the day.
And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest intentions has died away on the wind, dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale of the breath that is breathing us all into being, not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.
Don't say, "Yes!"
Just take my hand and dance with me.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Sunday, March 04, 2007
The Invitation
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing
It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon
I want to know if you have touched
the center of your own sorrow
If you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fix it
or fade it
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithful
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
everyday.
And if you can source your own life
from it's presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
And shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."
It doesn't interest me
to know were you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what
or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing
It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon
I want to know if you have touched
the center of your own sorrow
If you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fix it
or fade it
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithful
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
everyday.
And if you can source your own life
from it's presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
And shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."
It doesn't interest me
to know were you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what
or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Saturday, March 03, 2007
The Quest for Self Actualization
There is a theory that I studied extensively in college, Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs. This theory contends that as an individuals basic needs are met, they seek to move up or satisfy higher needs within the hierarchy. The basic concept is that the higher needs in this hierarchy only come into focus once all the needs that are lower down in the pyramid are mainly or entirely satisfied. Self growth creates an upward movement in the hierarchy, whereas regressive behavior pushes needs further down the hierarchy.
I'd like to believe that people that you connect with help you along all levels of the Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, including the ultimate goal of self-actualization. When you simply aren't able to communicate with someone on a fundamental level, be it language or difference of beliefs or opinions or personality, it completely undermines your ability to achieve the last level or two of needs.
Sooner or later, you feel like you're missing something, and you feel empty or inadequate. Be it your faith or that connection you have with people, or that burning desire to find your own place in the world, I think that the people I get along with the best make all levels of the pyramid seem within reach.
Maybe it'd be easier to think of it like ladders going up the pyramid. Each person you meet is a ladder of a different height. The ladders of the people you truly connect with are a lot taller and oftentimes seemingly insurmountable. To get where that ladder will take you seems precarious and risky. But you know it can take you higher up than the shorter ladders you've been climbing.
When you've fallen off of a high ladder, you're wary of climbing up another one whose top you can't see. You settle for small ladders and you get to the top and realize you probably could have gotten that far on your own. And those people serve their purpose, don’t get me wrong, but I really feel that for the most part very few people really “get me”.
As humans, we're bound to slip now and then. Tonight I looked down and was unnerved by how high up the ladder I was going. The journey up the high ladders is seldom easy, otherwise we'd all be doing it all the time. There is a quote that goes "I never said it would be easy, I only said that it would be worth it."
It may take you longer than you had hoped, but every rung higher is a step closer. It may be treacherous at times, and you will feel that you can't go on, but you have to have faith that the solid foundation that you built will hold. That the journey you've embarked upon is worthwhile. Life isn't just about the destination, but the journey. And you should enjoy every ambiguous step and not be in such a rush as to miss out on what is unfolding around you.
I'd like to believe that people that you connect with help you along all levels of the Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, including the ultimate goal of self-actualization. When you simply aren't able to communicate with someone on a fundamental level, be it language or difference of beliefs or opinions or personality, it completely undermines your ability to achieve the last level or two of needs.
Sooner or later, you feel like you're missing something, and you feel empty or inadequate. Be it your faith or that connection you have with people, or that burning desire to find your own place in the world, I think that the people I get along with the best make all levels of the pyramid seem within reach.
Maybe it'd be easier to think of it like ladders going up the pyramid. Each person you meet is a ladder of a different height. The ladders of the people you truly connect with are a lot taller and oftentimes seemingly insurmountable. To get where that ladder will take you seems precarious and risky. But you know it can take you higher up than the shorter ladders you've been climbing.
When you've fallen off of a high ladder, you're wary of climbing up another one whose top you can't see. You settle for small ladders and you get to the top and realize you probably could have gotten that far on your own. And those people serve their purpose, don’t get me wrong, but I really feel that for the most part very few people really “get me”.
As humans, we're bound to slip now and then. Tonight I looked down and was unnerved by how high up the ladder I was going. The journey up the high ladders is seldom easy, otherwise we'd all be doing it all the time. There is a quote that goes "I never said it would be easy, I only said that it would be worth it."
It may take you longer than you had hoped, but every rung higher is a step closer. It may be treacherous at times, and you will feel that you can't go on, but you have to have faith that the solid foundation that you built will hold. That the journey you've embarked upon is worthwhile. Life isn't just about the destination, but the journey. And you should enjoy every ambiguous step and not be in such a rush as to miss out on what is unfolding around you.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Making a Difference One Impressionable Mind at A Time
This is National Make a Difference week... You know when you are supposed to do an unselfish act for complete strangers. Not being one to be left out of this national feel good movement I stepped up to the plate today.
Yep spread some valuable knowledge to the undereducated, you might say "Kat you do this everyday in the classroom"...yes this is true and well I am paid to do that, so it doesn't count. It's kinda like a paramedic saying "hey I saved life today" it's your job.
No this was a random act of sharing my vast wealth of knowledge to the unfortunately dumb..well I wouldn't say dumb just uninformed. So as Simon would say "off you go" or in other words get on with it.
I stopped at the gas station at lunch time to buy a snack and as I was checking out a little girl about 8 yeas old came up to the counter and announced to me "I'm buying coke and mento's so I can make an explosion".
That's where my good deep came in. I bet you're thinking I tried to discourage here attempts at making a dangerous projectile rocket right? Nope- Instead I told her that it wouldn't work unless she used "Diet Coke"
Wouldn't want that cute little munchkin to be all disappointed when she go home now would I? No, instead I gave her valuable knowledge that could lead to possible eye injuries or even brain damage....Part of me was hoping my name badge wasn't visible and I'm not brought up on charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, or child endangerment.
OK I don't think I really made a difference today......or did I? Who knows I may have just encouraged a young mind to pursue a career in chemistry, yeah right.
Yep spread some valuable knowledge to the undereducated, you might say "Kat you do this everyday in the classroom"...yes this is true and well I am paid to do that, so it doesn't count. It's kinda like a paramedic saying "hey I saved life today" it's your job.
No this was a random act of sharing my vast wealth of knowledge to the unfortunately dumb..well I wouldn't say dumb just uninformed. So as Simon would say "off you go" or in other words get on with it.
I stopped at the gas station at lunch time to buy a snack and as I was checking out a little girl about 8 yeas old came up to the counter and announced to me "I'm buying coke and mento's so I can make an explosion".
That's where my good deep came in. I bet you're thinking I tried to discourage here attempts at making a dangerous projectile rocket right? Nope- Instead I told her that it wouldn't work unless she used "Diet Coke"
Wouldn't want that cute little munchkin to be all disappointed when she go home now would I? No, instead I gave her valuable knowledge that could lead to possible eye injuries or even brain damage....Part of me was hoping my name badge wasn't visible and I'm not brought up on charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, or child endangerment.
OK I don't think I really made a difference today......or did I? Who knows I may have just encouraged a young mind to pursue a career in chemistry, yeah right.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Buck ME
OK you gotta Love this guys sense of Humor!!!!
What Kind of Degenerates do I associate with??
Ones with a wicked sense of humor!!
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Scared of Santa Gallery
Ok so it is that time of year, you know when the parents pack the kids up tote them to the mall and sit them on the lap of some fat dude with a fake white beard who always seems to enjoy the fact that a kid is sitting so close to their junk.
And we wonder why the kids freak out??? Take a look at a these hysterical moments caught on film for prosperity, yeah I am sure the kids will get a kick out of it when they are adults, and will no less do the same to their own kids, but then again some of these kids look like they might be in need of some serious therapy!
Ok the older brother is just enjoying this too much !!!
I don't care if this guys beard is real, get me off his lap!!!!
Please don't leave me, please don't leave me, please don't leave me !!!!!!!!!!
Sheer Terror!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I hold my breath long enough maybe he will go away!!! Going to my happy place!
Mommy Santa smells like cheep wine.
Twin Terrors
You gotta love a kid at Christmas time!!! Hope you enjoyed!!!
And we wonder why the kids freak out??? Take a look at a these hysterical moments caught on film for prosperity, yeah I am sure the kids will get a kick out of it when they are adults, and will no less do the same to their own kids, but then again some of these kids look like they might be in need of some serious therapy!
Ok the older brother is just enjoying this too much !!!
I don't care if this guys beard is real, get me off his lap!!!!
Please don't leave me, please don't leave me, please don't leave me !!!!!!!!!!
Sheer Terror!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I hold my breath long enough maybe he will go away!!! Going to my happy place!
Mommy Santa smells like cheep wine.
Twin Terrors
You gotta love a kid at Christmas time!!! Hope you enjoyed!!!
Thursday, November 09, 2006
My life As A Teacher
For those who don't know I am a teacher, well a Special Education Teacher to be exact. This is my 15th year of teaching now, and well let’s just say I am half way to retirement.
So this has been an interesting year so far, considering the nightmare year I had last year this year seems a breeze. Usually when I tell people what I do for a living they usually respond in one of two ways: Wow that's really commendable of you, or Wow I feel really sorry for you.
Its funny how often I will have my Gen Ed colleagues walk past my room shaking their head because they hear me repeat the same directions 5 times in a row, only to later stop me in the hall and say "How can you stand it?"
Well I don't look at it that way, I love my job most days, and the only complaints that I really have don't involve the actual art of teaching these kids but rather dealing with all the paperwork and academic bureaucracy that goes along with it, but that is another post in of itself.
So why do I like my job?? Well there are many reasons, first I love to teach, secondly I love the challenge. Sure anyone can stand in front of a class and teach a lesson in Language Arts, but can they individualize that instruction to cover all the learning styles that I have in my class?, covering the auditory, tactile, visual and nonverbal learners? Of course not, that is why we are called "Special Educators". It takes something special to do this job, or at least to be a little touched in the head.
So I tend to not be the typical stiff necked rigid teacher, what can I say I like to have fun, crack jokes, use sarcasm every chance I get and well laugh at myself also.
So although I like to keep things light, I am still a tough teacher to please, and expect a hell of a lot out of my students. I expect them to acknowledge their disabilities but never let them define them. I guess having a teacher that is a bit like them in many ways (ADD Poster child) helps in that area.
So I have an interesting bunch of kids this year and I have to honestly say that I have had more entertaining events happen than I have in a long time. They are a mixture of cognitively impaired (borderline mentally retarded), learning disabled, socially retarded, speech impaired, otherwise health impaired (that’s a nice way of saying CRAZY) and oh the frosting on the cake, one bi-polar student. Yes I am surrounded by bi-polar madness 24/7 between my brother and this student. Let's just say it makes for an interesting school day.
So as I was saying life is always interesting in my room. It is amazing what you observe these kids doing when they "think" you are not listening or watching them. Last month we had oh let's see 8 or so days of state standardized testing, and well my kids don't do too well on them because they are written at grade level, which they are not working at. So they try to do their best and well fill the rest of the test session time with odd little actions, this is a list of just a few of the things I observed them doing while they should have been concentrating on their test:
70"s Boy tapping out the tune "Smoke on the Water" with his pencil on his desk, ya got to love a 13 year old who knows who Deep Purple is! Followed by his obsessive habit of rubbing his nipples when he becomes frustrated, what? At least it isn't something else!
Various antics by another student whom I fondly refer to as Creepy Boy. Why do I call him that? Because I have an uncontrollable obsession to shower off the creepy feeling he gives me daily. Anyway he took his pen and hooked the cap on his lower lip so that he could shove one end of it up his nose by moving his lower lip, another favorite of his, spraying his spit on the student seated in front of him, or taking his cd that the test was recorded on and spinning it like a top on the end of his pencil.
Then there are all my other students who are constantly asking me to explain the answers to them, ummm it's a test I can't help you ---helloooo.
The gum that comes out of the mouth and is stretched two feet in front of their face and somehow ends up all over their answer document, humm think that one might just get tossed because it gets stuck in the scantron.
The student who removed the batteries from their cd player and was putting the end on their tongue to see if they could get a shock, hummm do I tell them that, that trick only works on 9-volt batteries or do I let them go through life not knowing that nugget of information? hummmm decisions, decisions.
The students who think it's cool to play connect the dots with their answer documents in an attempt to recreate the image of the Eiffel Tower. And of course the student whom I have to proctor each answer for because they broke their hand one day into this testing session from hell.
But the winner of the gold star for this years most memorable "Special Ed" moment during standardized testing goes to 70"s Boy who somehow managed to flip himself out of his chair and land flat on his back during the middle of one testing session. Ok the sight of him laying on the floor with his legs straight up in the air was priceless, I am chuckling even now as I write this, but the kicker was his explanation of how he managed to accomplish such a feat---I was trying to swat a fly, damn must have been one big fly.
See told ya life is never boring in my classroom.
So this has been an interesting year so far, considering the nightmare year I had last year this year seems a breeze. Usually when I tell people what I do for a living they usually respond in one of two ways: Wow that's really commendable of you, or Wow I feel really sorry for you.
Its funny how often I will have my Gen Ed colleagues walk past my room shaking their head because they hear me repeat the same directions 5 times in a row, only to later stop me in the hall and say "How can you stand it?"
Well I don't look at it that way, I love my job most days, and the only complaints that I really have don't involve the actual art of teaching these kids but rather dealing with all the paperwork and academic bureaucracy that goes along with it, but that is another post in of itself.
So why do I like my job?? Well there are many reasons, first I love to teach, secondly I love the challenge. Sure anyone can stand in front of a class and teach a lesson in Language Arts, but can they individualize that instruction to cover all the learning styles that I have in my class?, covering the auditory, tactile, visual and nonverbal learners? Of course not, that is why we are called "Special Educators". It takes something special to do this job, or at least to be a little touched in the head.
So I tend to not be the typical stiff necked rigid teacher, what can I say I like to have fun, crack jokes, use sarcasm every chance I get and well laugh at myself also.
So although I like to keep things light, I am still a tough teacher to please, and expect a hell of a lot out of my students. I expect them to acknowledge their disabilities but never let them define them. I guess having a teacher that is a bit like them in many ways (ADD Poster child) helps in that area.
So I have an interesting bunch of kids this year and I have to honestly say that I have had more entertaining events happen than I have in a long time. They are a mixture of cognitively impaired (borderline mentally retarded), learning disabled, socially retarded, speech impaired, otherwise health impaired (that’s a nice way of saying CRAZY) and oh the frosting on the cake, one bi-polar student. Yes I am surrounded by bi-polar madness 24/7 between my brother and this student. Let's just say it makes for an interesting school day.
So as I was saying life is always interesting in my room. It is amazing what you observe these kids doing when they "think" you are not listening or watching them. Last month we had oh let's see 8 or so days of state standardized testing, and well my kids don't do too well on them because they are written at grade level, which they are not working at. So they try to do their best and well fill the rest of the test session time with odd little actions, this is a list of just a few of the things I observed them doing while they should have been concentrating on their test:
70"s Boy tapping out the tune "Smoke on the Water" with his pencil on his desk, ya got to love a 13 year old who knows who Deep Purple is! Followed by his obsessive habit of rubbing his nipples when he becomes frustrated, what? At least it isn't something else!
Various antics by another student whom I fondly refer to as Creepy Boy. Why do I call him that? Because I have an uncontrollable obsession to shower off the creepy feeling he gives me daily. Anyway he took his pen and hooked the cap on his lower lip so that he could shove one end of it up his nose by moving his lower lip, another favorite of his, spraying his spit on the student seated in front of him, or taking his cd that the test was recorded on and spinning it like a top on the end of his pencil.
Then there are all my other students who are constantly asking me to explain the answers to them, ummm it's a test I can't help you ---helloooo.
The gum that comes out of the mouth and is stretched two feet in front of their face and somehow ends up all over their answer document, humm think that one might just get tossed because it gets stuck in the scantron.
The student who removed the batteries from their cd player and was putting the end on their tongue to see if they could get a shock, hummm do I tell them that, that trick only works on 9-volt batteries or do I let them go through life not knowing that nugget of information? hummmm decisions, decisions.
The students who think it's cool to play connect the dots with their answer documents in an attempt to recreate the image of the Eiffel Tower. And of course the student whom I have to proctor each answer for because they broke their hand one day into this testing session from hell.
But the winner of the gold star for this years most memorable "Special Ed" moment during standardized testing goes to 70"s Boy who somehow managed to flip himself out of his chair and land flat on his back during the middle of one testing session. Ok the sight of him laying on the floor with his legs straight up in the air was priceless, I am chuckling even now as I write this, but the kicker was his explanation of how he managed to accomplish such a feat---I was trying to swat a fly, damn must have been one big fly.
See told ya life is never boring in my classroom.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
The Hierarchy of Friendship
Ok well I just got off the phone with my best girlfriend Ce-Ce, this girl and I have been tight since high school and well can honestly say she is probably the one friend that I have been consistently close to for the longest time.
Now Ce- Ce always has an agenda when she calls, there is always a “reason” or point to the call. Getting her to that point sometimes is daunting, but she always eventually gets there. So tonight’s agenda centered on her feeling dissed by this guy that she works with.
Well she doesn’t really even “work” with him-- just in the same building. I guess they struck up a convo one night at work and fell into this habit of eating on their break together. They are both huge sport fans and he invites her to join this sports round table club thing at work. Don’t ask me what that involves, cuz I can't begin to understand it. The problem is that their “friendship” that they developed at break time has not transferred over into this new environment, and well she feels hurt.
So she calls me for advice, and of course I have to give it to her cuz that is what I do best. Ha right, anyway I listen for twenty five minutes about how she is affected by this and give her my take on the situation.
You see, I have always had this Hierarchy of Friendship Theory that I subscribe to. Friendships fall into to very vast and differentiated levels in my opinion. Now I don’t have any slick titles for each level just simply refer to them as levels 1-4, maybe one day I will give them some hip labels, but for now this works well for my purposes.
First you have level 1 friendships: these are your closest friends. You are actually involved in their lives, you go to their weddings, hell you probably even stood up in their weddings. You are their kids godparent, you call them out on their shit, but always have their back when they've been wronged. They are the one’s you gladly take a day off work for to attend their relative’s funerals because you feel the need to be there for them. They hang at your house and even go on vacation with you on occasion. These are your inner circle friends and you can’t imagine your life without their presence.
Next you have level 2 friendships:
These are people you truly like, but they just haven’t yet worked their way into the inner circle. They have potential to reach that goal, but for whatever reason they aren’t quite there, and who knows may never reach that level. Could be for good reasons, could be that it just hasn’t happened yet. You are invited to social events they throw and you would invite them to your own 4th of July bash. They know you in pretty well but you may or may not pour out your angst to them, and some you don’t completely let them in your head. You value their opinion of you but if they slid down the level of friendship you might take it in stride, maybe you would put effort into working them back up the ladder but maybe you will just let it go.
Now we move onto level 3 friendships:
These are people you know, mostly friends of friends and people you work with.
Yah you like them and enjoy time with them when you are put in the same environment. But you don’t go out of your way to seek them out. You don’t have their home phone numbers, and know a little about their life, how many kids they have, what their hobbies are etc., But you wouldn’t probably say more than hi or nod in greeting to them if you saw them at the grocery store, well take that back you might shoot the shit for a few minutes. You really don’t give a damn what their opinion is on anything important and tend to say neutral in your conversations, you are polite and wouldn’t say anything negative to them, and NEVER tell them anything of relative personal importance.
Bottom of the Barrel --Level 4 friends
Now level 4 friends are people that well aren’t really friends but more acquaintances. They might be your neighbors, the owner of the dry cleaner shop you frequent who always refers to you as “How are you my friend” but really you are just a customer. THese might be people that attend the same parish or church as you, or even some people you work with. Your conversations and interactions with these people are limited to general small talk. You don’t discuss with them the bad week you have had, or the issues you are struggling with in your life. They are simply kind people you encounter here and there and exchange some mutually casual conversation with and that is it. They have no idea what motivates and makes you tick and well probably have no interest in finding out. And you definitely don’t give a rat’s ass about their opinion on you or anything they might think.
So after reminding Ce- Ce of the hierarchy, which she practically knows verbatim, I ask her Where does this “guy” fall in the whole scheme of friendship? Does the guy even know the basics about you to even register as a level 3 on the friendship scale??
My take is that he barely scores in the lower percentile of the level 4 friend. Now the question to her is do you really want to take the time and effort to bump this guy up on the scale? And can you just be happy with him hanging out at level 4?? And why would you let a level 4 friend even make you feel bad?
Hey just keeping it real Ce Ce, and fulfilling my commitment to you as a level 1 friend girl.
Now Ce- Ce always has an agenda when she calls, there is always a “reason” or point to the call. Getting her to that point sometimes is daunting, but she always eventually gets there. So tonight’s agenda centered on her feeling dissed by this guy that she works with.
Well she doesn’t really even “work” with him-- just in the same building. I guess they struck up a convo one night at work and fell into this habit of eating on their break together. They are both huge sport fans and he invites her to join this sports round table club thing at work. Don’t ask me what that involves, cuz I can't begin to understand it. The problem is that their “friendship” that they developed at break time has not transferred over into this new environment, and well she feels hurt.
So she calls me for advice, and of course I have to give it to her cuz that is what I do best. Ha right, anyway I listen for twenty five minutes about how she is affected by this and give her my take on the situation.
You see, I have always had this Hierarchy of Friendship Theory that I subscribe to. Friendships fall into to very vast and differentiated levels in my opinion. Now I don’t have any slick titles for each level just simply refer to them as levels 1-4, maybe one day I will give them some hip labels, but for now this works well for my purposes.
First you have level 1 friendships: these are your closest friends. You are actually involved in their lives, you go to their weddings, hell you probably even stood up in their weddings. You are their kids godparent, you call them out on their shit, but always have their back when they've been wronged. They are the one’s you gladly take a day off work for to attend their relative’s funerals because you feel the need to be there for them. They hang at your house and even go on vacation with you on occasion. These are your inner circle friends and you can’t imagine your life without their presence.
Next you have level 2 friendships:
These are people you truly like, but they just haven’t yet worked their way into the inner circle. They have potential to reach that goal, but for whatever reason they aren’t quite there, and who knows may never reach that level. Could be for good reasons, could be that it just hasn’t happened yet. You are invited to social events they throw and you would invite them to your own 4th of July bash. They know you in pretty well but you may or may not pour out your angst to them, and some you don’t completely let them in your head. You value their opinion of you but if they slid down the level of friendship you might take it in stride, maybe you would put effort into working them back up the ladder but maybe you will just let it go.
Now we move onto level 3 friendships:
These are people you know, mostly friends of friends and people you work with.
Yah you like them and enjoy time with them when you are put in the same environment. But you don’t go out of your way to seek them out. You don’t have their home phone numbers, and know a little about their life, how many kids they have, what their hobbies are etc., But you wouldn’t probably say more than hi or nod in greeting to them if you saw them at the grocery store, well take that back you might shoot the shit for a few minutes. You really don’t give a damn what their opinion is on anything important and tend to say neutral in your conversations, you are polite and wouldn’t say anything negative to them, and NEVER tell them anything of relative personal importance.
Bottom of the Barrel --Level 4 friends
Now level 4 friends are people that well aren’t really friends but more acquaintances. They might be your neighbors, the owner of the dry cleaner shop you frequent who always refers to you as “How are you my friend” but really you are just a customer. THese might be people that attend the same parish or church as you, or even some people you work with. Your conversations and interactions with these people are limited to general small talk. You don’t discuss with them the bad week you have had, or the issues you are struggling with in your life. They are simply kind people you encounter here and there and exchange some mutually casual conversation with and that is it. They have no idea what motivates and makes you tick and well probably have no interest in finding out. And you definitely don’t give a rat’s ass about their opinion on you or anything they might think.
So after reminding Ce- Ce of the hierarchy, which she practically knows verbatim, I ask her Where does this “guy” fall in the whole scheme of friendship? Does the guy even know the basics about you to even register as a level 3 on the friendship scale??
My take is that he barely scores in the lower percentile of the level 4 friend. Now the question to her is do you really want to take the time and effort to bump this guy up on the scale? And can you just be happy with him hanging out at level 4?? And why would you let a level 4 friend even make you feel bad?
Hey just keeping it real Ce Ce, and fulfilling my commitment to you as a level 1 friend girl.
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