You said What?? Yeah who fucking cares

Doug over at Putting the F Back in You, sent me an email the other day, seems he was checking his stat counter key word analysis and found this little gem...

Search Term
4 66.67% doug goff.com
1 16.67% kat822 is a bitch
1 16.67% douggoff.com

But what was even more entertaining is what I found when I actually googled
Kat822 is a bitch.....

Sweet my web nemesis is living up to her reputation

So I decided to look at my key word analysis and came up with some interesting stuff of my own ....
1 0.99% dad.fuck.litter.boy ---whoooooooh what the hellz

1 0.99% mark stebbins ferndale blog ----what the fuck this is my blog wankers, look at me damn it not mark stebbins!

1 0.99% have you ever seen your roommate jerk off? --- ok why do I get these search results? I've never blogged about anything remotely near that, oh wait there is that one post ..damn it.

1 0.99% dog shit neighbors --- glad to see I am not the only one with this problem

1 0.99% thongs ride-up-in-the-crack --- seriously is this an issue people, it's a thong

Ok people share your weird key word analysis

Remind me why I come here everyday? Oh yeah I love my job

According to a University of Chicago study, on "Job Satisfaction in the United States," my job ranks at number 5 out of the top ten satisfying jobs in the country.

5. Special education teachers
Job Description: Teach school subjects to educationally and physically handicapped students.
Very happy: 52.6%Median salary (preschool, kindergarten or elementary school): $41,344Median salary (secondary school): $43,060

Actually I think I'd say that overall I am more than fifty percent happy with my job...but the one thing I hate about it is Parent Teacher Conferences...which are tonight...well at least it will provide for some great blog fodder, it always does. And it will give Doug some student and parent trashing that he always looks forward to. So stay tuned for some... sure to be hilarious Parent Teacher Stories from Hell. I know you are just sitting on pins and needles..yeah right.

Oh... Now you are gonna burn in hell fo sho

They say that politics, especially elections bring out the worst in people. That was evident to me quite painfully around quarter to elven last Tuesday night when I had a conversation with a friend of mine. I am not sure you'd really call it a conversation since I was not able to get a word in edgewise. Yeah imagine that...someone out talking me.

Of course this person's emotions were running high as it was becoming quite evident that their choice of candidates was not going to win. Now I know I'm not going to agree with everyone's politial views, and that's fine and expected, but I wasn't prepared for one of the arguments, or should I say accusations that was made concerning my vote that was cast that night.

The comment in question went something like this...."You know Kat Obama is Pro-Choice".

Yes I am aware of that, however I don't feel you can base your choice for president on "one" single issue alone. That coupled with the fact that I personally feel that Roe v Wade will never be overturned in this country, ever.

"Well by casting your vote for him tonight you are responsible for contributing to babies being killed, you will be held responsible, and judged for that"

WHooooooooh, WTF, last time I checked I wasn't writing support checks to the the local abortion clinic. I am sure most of you have figured out I am personally against abortion, I feel it's taking a life, plain and simple. But I don't have the right to judge others for the legal choices they make. I've sat in the abortion clinic with a friend as she made that choice, and I've witnessed the aftermath of such choices. Regardless of the degree there are ramifications of such a decision , I've been witness to that. Regardless I think nothing less of this person and am grateful I have never had to walk a mile in her shoes.

But as far as being "personally" responsible- I don't agree... Look I am the first to admit I'm a sinner, hell (see what I mean) I'm sure my hommie J.C. is shaking his head and rolling his eyes at me about every 30 seconds. I'm not perfect, I admit it, but when it comes to sins I've asked absolution for....baby killer is not on that list. I'll leave it up to you imagination what will be though....Later wankers gotta go Father Fitzpatrick is holding the confessional booth for me.

Before You comment! Disclaimer: This post is not an invitation to debate the moral or political aspects of abortion. I know what my position is, you know what yours is, and I am not trying to convince you in anyway to agree with me, and personally nothing you say to me or I could say to you will in essence sway any one's opinion...so let's leave it at that.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

I jumped in my car Saturday morning, rustled around in my purse looking for my iPod, only to discover it was deader than a doornail, go figure you gotta actually charge those things every once in a while.

Guess I’ll have to listen to the radio, something I very rarely do unless there is a ball game on…So I flip the tuner to the first non-sports talk station I find and I’m completely floored……What’s this I hear? ……Jingle Bells? Grandma got run over by a reindeer?

Have I stepped into some time travel vortex in which I’ve speed traveled a month into the future? No, actually, the yahoo’s at this particular radio station decided that the day after Halloween was an appropriate time to start playing Christmas music 24/7.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a Christmas song as much as the next person but a full 8 weeks before the actual holiday is a bit much….don’t cha think? I mean I hadn’t even flossed out all the candy corn out of my teeth yet and they are wanting me to deck my halls with boughs of holly….. Personally I think there ought to be a one week minimum waiting period before the next holiday can even be mentioned, give our bodies a chance to come down from the sugar highs at least people……..sheeeeeeeze.

I'll give you a trick for not giving me a treat......

Now that Kwame is locked up and his mouth duct taped shut, I thought it was safe to claim the ghetto as my home again, but as we all know you can't fix stupid........
Mich. woman: Supporting Obama? No treats for you
Sat Nov 1, 4:29 pm ET
GROSSE POINTE FARMS, Mich. – A suburban Detroit woman has decided to scare up the vote among neighborhood children by just offering treats to John McCain supporters.
Shirley Nagel of Grosse Pointe Farms, Mich., handed out candy Friday only to those who shared her support for the Republican presidential candidate and his running mate Sarah Palin. Others were turned away empty-handed.
TV station WJBK says a sign outside Nagel's house warned: "No handouts for Obama supporters, liars, tricksters or kids of supporters."
Nagel calls Democrat Barack Obama "scary." When asked about children who were turned away empty-handed and crying, she said: "Oh well. Everybody has a choice."
Fax and phone messages left at numbers for Nagel were not returned.



But Kat was able to get an exclusive on what Ms Nagel's house looked like the morning after....

Damn those ghetto kiddies take their trick or treating seriously......................
___

You can't Make Me......

Since this country was founded, we as American Citizens are granted unalienable rights that our constitution guarantees us. Personally I feel, one of the most important rights that is mentioned in our constitution is the right to free speech.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

These are the exact words used by the Framers when they drafted the Constitution hundreds of years ago. Since then there have been people trying to abolish this right by censoring things that the American public has a right to say if they so choose. I have never been a proponent of Censorship, and feel it is unconstitutional at its basic level.

Freedom of speech and expression is one of the most important rights that we have in this country. Our forefathers knew this and acknowledged this in our constitution which protects our rights as citizens in America. Censorship is a complete contradiction to this concept that has helped make America the country it is, flaws and all.

I’ve always been a proponent of Free Speech, especially when it comes to my blog. I not only embrace this right for myself but also my readers. When I hear about other bloggers who are being banned from participating in Social Network Sites, because of their opinions on THEIR OWN Blog, I get a little pissy! These bloggers pages are privately owned and more importantly they are not required to adhere to the social networks level of censorship. In other words, it’s not your turf big brother so bug the fuck off. I think I made that idea perfectly clear with my post last Saturday.

Look bloggers, and blog readers, if we don’t stand up for your rights to free speech, your voice just might someday be silenced…..Believe me there are people out there right now trying to silence, ban and censor things from the American Public, things that as Americans we have the right to say…..Don’t let your voice be silenced.

Another Reason Some People Shouldn't Have Pets

I am completly against people who spends tons of money on their pets, buying them doggie jogging suits and designer outfits, there is something just wrong about it all together, however I have to admit some of these fucknut owners do have some creativity when it comes to torturing their pets at Halloween.........just take a look at these dog owners that have either too much time on their hands or too much money if their wallet





I have to admit this one is my favorite, I mean if you are gonna dress up dogs at least have a sence of humor about it...

My Life As A Teacher –A Ten Minute Snapshot

Why only ten minutes? Because I’m certain that’s all it’ll take for you to get the picture. First hour is as good as any place to start. Two minutes before class starts I get an email that a parent is coming in at the end of the hour to pick up progress reports for her son. No problem, print it off and send it off to the office, call the rest of my team and remind them to do the same. First Fire of the day extinguished.

Next it’s Meds and Roll call. Never heard of such a monster? It’s when I take roll and also check to see who is benefiting from a little help from their friend. I’ve got 3 kids on ADD and Anti Psychotic/Anxiety drugs in this particular class. Not taking the time to ensure that those jagged little pills are swallowed will certainly spell disaster later in the day.



So I begin—Amy? -“here” –Meds Down? “Yes”
Tommy? “here”- Meds Down? “No” ---ok go to the office and take them
Jimmy? “here” Meds Down? “I don’t need no stinking meds!”
Yes you do.
“NO I DON”T!!! I hate that crap it makes me a zombie.”
You need it so you can be productive Jimmy, go take your meds and be prepared to do the tongue test so we know it went down otherwise we are going to have wrap it in a piece of cheese like you do for Fido and rub your neck till you swallow it.

“Fine I’ll take my freaking meds, but only if you take some anti-bitch meds and get off my ass!”>insert door slamming and stomping down the stairs. Wow a new record two weekend words in one sentence, good job Jimmy.

Sometimes I think I am just Nurse Ratched, dispensing little cups of happy pills to my students in an ill attempt to stave off them shanking me or another student the first chance they get. Unfortunately this year, I think it’s inevitable , drugs down or not.

Whaaa Whaaa Whaaa Go Tell Someone Who Gives A Fuck

As many of you know I give my students nicknames every year. Typically it takes at least a card marking for a kid to "earn" a nick name from me, however, every once in a while I have an overachiever who ears his before the first week of school is over.

This year that certain overachiever would be Jimmy.... Now Jimmy came to school on Monday morning complaining about everything under the sun. He's tired, he's hungry, he hates school, he hates the me, the kid next to him smells , he missed the bus, he has no lunch money...blah blah blahhhhhhhh blahhhhhhh.

Just as he finished his morning bitchfest the bell rings and class begins, with his list of grievances against the world fresh in my mind I start calling kids names for roll.....

Amy Adams- here

John Brown- here

Anthony Johnson-here

Jenny Martin-here

Robert Smith-here

then I pause...knowing my moment for sheer genius has come and I seize the opportunity to manipulate Jimmy's name for evil not good and assign him a be fitting nickname.....

And last but not least we all know that little ray of sunshine Jimmy "Whiner"croft is here .....that's right I jacked up his last name and so geniusesly incorporated the word whiner into it....What can I say he opened the door for it and I gladly took him to the bank on it....we'll see how well he takes to his new A.K.A. I am secretly hoping it follows him around till he graduates high school, hell I hope people are calling him Jimmy Whinercroft at his 20 year reunion, now wouldn't that be the shitz.

Disclaimer.....Names have been changed to protect the innocent...being me, seriously I don't use my kids real names but I did incorporate the word Whiner in Jimmy's name.

The Student Whisperer

They're back! Yep, a new batch of little devils, I mean lovely students. I have to say so far I have been impressed with my new batch of kids this year. I had heard some horror stories about their behavior and well I am just hoping that the honeymoon period lasts a while longer before I run into problems.

One goal I had at the beginning of the year was to get a handle on the kids talking in class from day one. I have the biggest problem with this in 6th hour when the kids come for academic support. Basically this is an hour for them to get one on one help from me with work they didn't finish in their classes.

However they seem to think this is the social hour and always want to talk to the kid sitting next to them. So I had this brilliant idea to come up with some kind of verbal cue to get them to stop talking, and I thought I'd just go all dog whisperer on them and make that annoying noise that Cesar Millan makes when he's trying to get a dog that is yipping to quit barking.

Yeah it sounds like I am being inhumane but you know what it works. For instance today, a student initiated a conversation with a student next to him and every time he said a word I piped up with that annoying "pssshhhh," till he finally just gave up the conversation knowing I wasn't going to allow him to finish his sentence.

It's kinda funny because just as I was in the midst of "psssshhhhing" the chatty student the school counselor came in the room to rinse out her coffee cup in my sink. She kind of flashed me a weird look when she heard me and that's when I told her I was the student whisperer, she immediately chuckled and got my point, then asked me if I needed any choker collars....lol, hopefully not.

I Wasn't Kidding About The Whole Electrical Vortex Thing

234 WATTS Body Battery Calculator - Find Out How Much Electricity Your Body is Producing -

According to this extremely "scientific" source (tongue in cheek) I have enough power in my body to light up 2 light bulbs; wow not sure I could get two light bulbs in my mouth to test out that theory. I also could power 59 iPods, hummm damn if I could just power the "one" I have that'd be great, that sucker is forever dying on me.

Oh and supposedly I have enough electrical energy to power 1 Xbox 360, don't tell Greg that, he'll be wanting me to come to Cali just so I could charge his Xbox while he play his Guitar Hero game. I can just see me on the hamster wheel now, while he's yelling run faster Kat, I have a two minute solo coming up....Ohhhhh Barracuda!

Remind Me...Why Do I Come Here Every Day?????

Oh yeah, I love my job. Wish it were true lately, but it's not. No lately I hate my job. Last Friday in particular was one of those days when by 3rd hour I needed a stiff drink, and make it a double while you are at it. Where is my flask when I need it?

I don't know if it's cabin fever or what, but my student's behaviors have been completely terrible the past two weeks. Unless you've hung around middle school students lately, and in particular one's with special needs, I don't think you can completely understand what I deal with on a good day let alone a bad one. Now I am not just talking that my students are slow to learn, that is the least of my problems, no I am dealing with bi-polar, schizophrenic, and emotionally impairments on top of the learning disabilities. It can make for some tough days.

Just when I think the day can't get any worse I am delivered the news that I will be getting a new student...not just any student, but the worst behaved student in my grade. Adding him to the current crazy mixture is going to be nothing but disastrous.

Now I am not one to give up on a kid so easily, in fact I am usually the one last shot for a kid to get his shit together. I usually have success with even the most hard-core students. But I am felling like I 'm being set up to fail with this kid. He already has a file that is 5 inches thick of documentation of his ill behaviors beginning on the first day of kindergarten though this year.

He already has a parole officer and has been hauled out of school in handcuffs by our liasion officer. Oh did I mention I teach in a "Public" school? Who'd of thunk hugh? The principal as warned our team of teachers that this kid would blow one day before the end of the school year, unfortunately I have a bad feeling it's going to happen in my class. He's got one more chance this year, if he messes up once more he will begin his carreer of incarsaration by going to the juvinile detention center.

I'm trying to be optimistic here but I am afreaid this is going to end badly, thinking he's gonna go out with a bang----I just pray that involve the need for handcuffs or an ambulence. Or more importantly me being hauled off in an ambulence. Yeah I am really loving my job today, now you know why I sooooo need my summer vacation.

If Only Rubber Soled Shoes Weren't So Fugly

I think I have an electrical vortex field around me. I know a weird way to start a post, but humor me for the all of three minutes it take you to read this post. I've never had any luck with electronics. I'm on my third laptop in less than 4 years, all scumming to some form of major electrical meltdown.

Now my Ipod hates me...yeah joined the crowd and my Parents bought me one for Christmas. Its the New Nano with video..not that I will ever figure out how to get any porn on there. So much for porn on the go. Anyway, love it.. well when the fucker works that is.

Basically it has been a pain in the ass since I took it out of the box. First it didn't want to sync, then out of the blue the screen whited out. I could listen to music however couldn't read the menu which well made it difficult. So I call Apple support and get a very peppy operator named Krissy to help me reset the little fucker. Finally I can read the menu, well I could if I was bilingual that is, yeah the damn thing reset to Fucking Chinese!

I asked my new BFF Krissy how the hell that could have happened and she replied "Heck if I know", not too encouraging when the so called professional can't explain that one. To rub salt in my wounds she adds "I have never in my 6 months at Apple ever encountered such a weird problem." Ok, maybe she's not an expert, but she has 6 months more experience than me with this technology, and I prefer the term quirky Krissy, telling me my Ipod is weird is giving me a complex. So the Ipod stayed fixed all of ten minutes and went back to wigging out immediately, but made a miraculous recovery the next morning and seems to be working fine since.

But getting back to the whole electrical vortex thing...I really think there is something to it. Greg said I should do an experiment to text it. Something about a light bulb, licking my lips, and a battery....(ok that sounded a bit freaky) I'm not Bill Nye but I think he's trying to pull a fast one on me. Of course part of me wants to believe him and get some scientific evidence to my hypothesis, on the otherhand, this is the same guy who convinced me to ask the cashier at the grocery store if I could sample groceries before I buy them. I wonder if Einstein struggled with such issues? Damn I just gave myself a shock, see what I mean now?

Bargin of the Day

Saw this advertisement today at the bottom of the page on yahoo sports......think someone has some wishful thinking lol.

New York Mets Playoff Tickets
For a limited time only all Mets Playoff Tickets are reduced.
www.NewYorkMets.TicketsNow.com

All I can say is a fool and his money are soon departed....yeah the smack talk is starting early.

WTF? Part Two

Barry Bonds in Drag.....ok that is just fundamentally wrong, nice ink Barry.

Who'd of Thunk

Let's see....... show your bitchy side one night, and shed a few tears the next and what do you get?.......The New Hampshire Primary evidently. Personally I didn't think she had a soft side...go figure.

WTF?

Can I get an Amen?

Ok, so I was in Walmart the other day….yeah I know that’s where I made my first mistake..but anyway, I am strolling through the junior department and that’s where I found what well, I don’t even know, cant even describe it…there are no words for this….well actually it speaks volumes really………..


And this is what it says……….
Hi, Mom, you know, I'm 13 years old now and I've decided that selling my pussy is the direction I'm leaning to take with my life since you obviously don't want me to be happy because you refuse to buy me a cell phone. Like, whatever! With the help of messages like this courtesy of America’s favorite retailer, I know the important things in life, like, cool clothes and cash, cash, cash. And, in the end, I gotta work the snatch to get it. Oh and there are some really cool clear stripper shoes in the shoe department too, I mean everyone is wearing them Mom.
Seriously what has raising a teenager girl come to when parent’s goals are to keep their daughters off the poles? I feel sorry for you Greg, be strong man, and keep the guns loaded!

Yes Revenge Can Be Sweet

Ran across this during my ritual Sunday night Post Secret habit, OK obsession, I admit it I am hooked on that site, I even got the book "A Lifetime of Secrets" for Christmas. Anyway laughed my ass off when I read this one..............

Red Neck Christmas

That's right parents you might want to cover the kiddies eyes when you drive past this lovely dipiction of Rudolph and one of his other reindeer friends being hung upside down from a tree and gutted.....what is it they say? Oh yeah... you can't fix stupid.