Thursday, September 11, 2008

Whaaa Whaaa Whaaa Go Tell Someone Who Gives A Fuck

As many of you know I give my students nicknames every year. Typically it takes at least a card marking for a kid to "earn" a nick name from me, however, every once in a while I have an overachiever who ears his before the first week of school is over.

This year that certain overachiever would be Jimmy.... Now Jimmy came to school on Monday morning complaining about everything under the sun. He's tired, he's hungry, he hates school, he hates the me, the kid next to him smells , he missed the bus, he has no lunch money...blah blah blahhhhhhhh blahhhhhhh.

Just as he finished his morning bitchfest the bell rings and class begins, with his list of grievances against the world fresh in my mind I start calling kids names for roll.....

Amy Adams- here

John Brown- here

Anthony Johnson-here

Jenny Martin-here

Robert Smith-here

then I pause...knowing my moment for sheer genius has come and I seize the opportunity to manipulate Jimmy's name for evil not good and assign him a be fitting nickname.....

And last but not least we all know that little ray of sunshine Jimmy "Whiner"croft is here .....that's right I jacked up his last name and so geniusesly incorporated the word whiner into it....What can I say he opened the door for it and I gladly took him to the bank on it....we'll see how well he takes to his new A.K.A. I am secretly hoping it follows him around till he graduates high school, hell I hope people are calling him Jimmy Whinercroft at his 20 year reunion, now wouldn't that be the shitz.

Disclaimer.....Names have been changed to protect the innocent...being me, seriously I don't use my kids real names but I did incorporate the word Whiner in Jimmy's name.

Friday, September 05, 2008

The Student Whisperer

They're back! Yep, a new batch of little devils, I mean lovely students. I have to say so far I have been impressed with my new batch of kids this year. I had heard some horror stories about their behavior and well I am just hoping that the honeymoon period lasts a while longer before I run into problems.
One goal I had at the beginning of the year was to get a handle on the kids talking in class from day one. I have the biggest problem with this in 6th hour when the kids come for academic support. Basically this is an hour for them to get one on one help from me with work they didn't finish in their classes.
However they seem to think this is the social hour and always want to talk to the kid sitting next to them. So I had this brilliant idea to come up with some kind of verbal cue to get them to stop talking, and I thought I'd just go all dog whisperer on them and make that annoying noise that Cesar Millan makes when he's trying to get a dog that is yipping to quit barking.
Yeah it sounds like I am being inhumane but you know what it works. For instance today, a student initiated a conversation with a student next to him and every time he said a word I piped up with that annoying "pssshhhh," till he finally just gave up the conversation knowing I wasn't going to allow him to finish his sentence.
It's kinda funny because just as I was in the midst of "psssshhhhing" the chatty student the school counselor came in the room to rinse out her coffee cup in my sink. She kind of flashed me a weird look when she heard me and that's when I told her I was the student whisperer, she immediately chuckled and got my point, then asked me if I needed any choker, hopefully not.