Thursday, November 20, 2008

I wait

It always takes my breath away, hitting me without warning. The conversation takes a curve, you have a silent epiphany. The next thing I know I’m blindsided and fighting to defend myself, my actions, none of which seem to appease…..and your voice changes.

I am painfully aware that once this tone emerges there’s no going back. No amount of explaining, debating, or pleading will negate its presence. It hangs there in the air like a thick fog slowly choking the communication between us. It’s a point of no return and the best we can do is to call it a night and wait. Wait till this fog lifts and our vision clears. And so I wait……….wait…for your voice to change.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Angels, Whores and FuckNuts

I've noticed that the majority of men seem to think that women fall into one of three categories...Angels aka girl of their dreams, whores, and fucknuts. I've gotta agree that most woman fall into at least one of he categories, if not possibly more. I always thought this was presumptuous of men to actually think this, but from my observations of women it seems to be an accurate depiction.

The worst offenders are the woman who fall into the last two categories, which only adds to this seemingly stereotypical image of us chicks. The women who are considered whores can't seem to figure out why no man will "ultimately love" them when they can't seem to love themselves enough to not spread their legs for any jack off that gives them the slightest bit of attention or infection.

Then there are the fucknuts, You know the ones that are talking about getting married after 2 dates, have a lifetime subscription to Brides Magazine and have picked out their dress and put it on layawy by the 4th date. They are the ones that follow you around town, just happen to show up at the same bar as you and your buds are hanging at and is most likely the one who poured sugar in your gas tank and carved that term of endearment "cocksucker" into the side of your car.

Let's face want someone who will put up with them scratching their nads and hogging the remote and the occasional blowjob on their birthday...they want a lady on the street and a freak in the bed. Us women want to be adored and doted on and of course to be emotionally's a wonder anyone ever hooks up.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Gangsta Thanks

I have a confession to make, I have been thinking lately about hanging up the whole blogging thing. I just have been so busy with work and just didn't seem to have the time or anything to say. I go through these phases occasionally. But just as I was considering at the least taking a break .....I got a shot in the arm when I found this.....

Yep that's me listed as the number one top personal blog on the fuel my blog website..who know's how long it will be there, or if it will ever rank up there again but it gave me motivation to keep blogging. So to all my faithful readers and my new readers that fueled me to the top "thanks a bunch" , it means a lot to me.
So gangsta Thanks!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Parent Teacher Conferences...the Prequel

Of the eighteen students I have I only had 5 of my actual students parents showed up for conferences, which is pretty pathetic if you think about it….but for those parents who couldn’t be bothered to meet with me….you do have the report card and its comments to fall back on. And just in case you need some help deciphering those comment codes us teachers use , Let me do a layman’s translation for ya.

Student is not working to their potential
Basically this means your child sets low personal standards for themselves and consistently fails to achieve them. There’s nothing worse than a kid with an IQ over 80 who consistently scores lower on assignments than my kids that are borderline Cognitively Impaired, how retarded is that?

Student is inattentive in class
In other words Johnny works well when under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat in a trap. But as long as I keep waving shiny objects in front of him he’s good to go. Note to self I need some more tin foil.

Student is talkative in class
Look your kid has verbal diarrhea, she couldn’t shut her pie hole if her life depended on it. She thinks nothing of carrying on a conversation while sitting 6 inches from me and when asked to shut her trap has the nerve to tell me “just a minute I am not finished”. I’m seriously considering a muzzle for her.

Working to capacity
I know this will sound heartless but this is the polite way of saying your kid is just a big sack of stupid. In other words the wheels are turning but the hamster died the first day of kindergarten. I hate to say it, but when he drank from the fountain of knowledge….he only gargled, and on top of that he spit out what little he took in.

Lacks effective study habits:
Instead of completing study guides for upcoming tests he draws inappropriate symbols such as swastikas and the conferderate flag, oh and don’t forget the other terms of endearment such as kike, gook, beaner and his all time fav my niggar….yeah it’s amazing that he can’t spell his way out of a paper bag but sure as hell can spell all those words right.

And last but not least….
Student takes on a leadership role….yeah more like his friends would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

***Don't leave me hate mail homeschoolers, and PTA Leaders, if you can't realize this was tongue in cheek then you need to take the stick outta your ass and watch some Cheech and Chong movies while smoking a fattie.

But he's acts so different at home.....

Ahhhh that time of the year I so look forward too, parent teacher conferences…Not! It’s not that I don’t like meeting with parents I do, but having to deal with these entire yahoo’s one after another is simply exhausting.

Now I should have known that this year’s meetings were going to be memorable when my first customer of the day was Jimmy Whinercroft’s mom. You know that little angel that told me I needed to take my anti-bitch meds earlier this year. Anyway one of my main issues I wanted to bring up with her was the possibility of her giving him his meds at home before coming to school, something that would dramatically help him to focus and not disrupt the first thirty minutes of my first hour everyday. Strike one for Kat…I was told in no certain terms “Yeah, like I am going to get my ass out of bed, listen to him whine while I try to get him to swallow a pill at 6 am in the morning only to have it wear off by 6 pm…are you crazy?, I need him to be medicated till at least 8 pm, he’s totally out of control otherwise.” Yeah I am painfully aware of that….thanks for the support Mom of the Year.

Then there was the parent who blew their nose right after sitting down to talk to me…it’s bad enough I had to listen to them blow their chunks into a handkerchief and then stuff that squishy mess back into their pocket…but they had some green remnants hanging out of their right nostril during the entire meeting. No amount hinting to that elusive lougie dangling from their overgrown nose hairs helped, and of course I couldn’t take my eyes off that thing. It was like a train wreck I couldn’t look away…I was just obsessed with it, thinking if they licked their lips it was definitely going to get sucked into their mouth at which point I think I would have ralphed right there. Needless to say I didn’t shake their hand when they left and immediately wiped down the table with hand sanitizer.

Let’s me just say this, single Dad’s….don’t start your parent teacher conference off with little gems like this…“Wow, my son wasn’t lying…you are schwing material” Ok what am I supposed to say to that, other than to make a mental note that I need to do a lesson on Sexual Harassment and then send the lesson plans home for Dad too. I guess it could have been worse…this is the same kid I overheard behind my back in the hall saying to some unknown lucky recipient…. “dang I’d love to tap that ass!” Please god I hope he wasn’t talking about me.

Just as I got my thoughts together another parent plopped herself down at the table in front of me, ahh a normal parent, finally…. well sort of. Everything was going fine till her infant son began to get fussy. She made a statement about it being near his feeding time, which I took as a hint to wrap up the conference, but nooooo she just whips out her breast right there and starts breast feeding him. Now I don’t have a problem normally with breast feeding in public but she made no effort to even be discrete. Basically it was Mammary Madness, and to make matters worse the kid had the suction action of a Dyson. All that slurping, I could barely think, and the fact that I saw one of my parents nips…yeah that image is gonna be burned in my brain for a long time….

But the parent that took the cake was the one who claimed I never help her child in class, HELLO! Sped Teacher here! That’s my specialty…Individualized Education! At this point I am completely exhausted and well not ready to put up with any more of this woman’s bullshit that she’s been giving me all year.

So I patiently listen to her complete nonsense and decided to use some reverse psychology on her, and simply tell her that everything her son says about me is completely true…yep the reason your son is failing every class he is enrolled in is because every time he asks me for help I ignore him. I actually even make it point to ask every other student in the class if they need help and completely disregard his needs. I’ve never worked with him in a small group or even given him one on one instruction when he didn’t grasp the concept the first, second or third time. I’ve never pulled him aside and informed him that he is failing miserably and asked him what I can do to help. Nope the truth is when I see his hand go up I look right past him as if he is invisible.

Needless to say when she picked her jaw up off the table, I told her that I was being sarcastic…and the complete opposite was true. Yeah probably not the best move but I know I wouldn’t get so much as a slap on the wrist from administration for doing it since the principal basically told me I was on my own when dealing with this loon for a parent because she refuses to even meet with her anymore. I have to admit it felt good setting her straight. Every year I say there is no way last years conferences could possibly be out done, but every year I am proven wrong. Oh and yeah as much bitching as I do….I really do like my job.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

You said What?? Yeah who fucking cares

Doug over at Putting the F Back in You, sent me an email the other day, seems he was checking his stat counter key word analysis and found this little gem...

Search Term
4 66.67% doug
1 16.67% kat822 is a bitch
1 16.67%

But what was even more entertaining is what I found when I actually googled
Kat822 is a bitch.....

Sweet my web nemesis is living up to her reputation

So I decided to look at my key word analysis and came up with some interesting stuff of my own ....
1 0.99% dad.fuck.litter.boy ---whoooooooh what the hellz

1 0.99% mark stebbins ferndale blog ----what the fuck this is my blog wankers, look at me damn it not mark stebbins!

1 0.99% have you ever seen your roommate jerk off? --- ok why do I get these search results? I've never blogged about anything remotely near that, oh wait there is that one post ..damn it.

1 0.99% dog shit neighbors --- glad to see I am not the only one with this problem

1 0.99% thongs ride-up-in-the-crack --- seriously is this an issue people, it's a thong

Ok people share your weird key word analysis

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Remind me why I come here everyday? Oh yeah I love my job

According to a University of Chicago study, on "Job Satisfaction in the United States," my job ranks at number 5 out of the top ten satisfying jobs in the country.

5. Special education teachers
Job Description: Teach school subjects to educationally and physically handicapped students.
Very happy: 52.6%Median salary (preschool, kindergarten or elementary school): $41,344Median salary (secondary school): $43,060

Actually I think I'd say that overall I am more than fifty percent happy with my job...but the one thing I hate about it is Parent Teacher Conferences...which are tonight...well at least it will provide for some great blog fodder, it always does. And it will give Doug some student and parent trashing that he always looks forward to. So stay tuned for some... sure to be hilarious Parent Teacher Stories from Hell. I know you are just sitting on pins and needles..yeah right.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Oh... Now you are gonna burn in hell fo sho

They say that politics, especially elections bring out the worst in people. That was evident to me quite painfully around quarter to elven last Tuesday night when I had a conversation with a friend of mine. I am not sure you'd really call it a conversation since I was not able to get a word in edgewise. Yeah imagine that...someone out talking me.

Of course this person's emotions were running high as it was becoming quite evident that their choice of candidates was not going to win. Now I know I'm not going to agree with everyone's politial views, and that's fine and expected, but I wasn't prepared for one of the arguments, or should I say accusations that was made concerning my vote that was cast that night.

The comment in question went something like this...."You know Kat Obama is Pro-Choice".

Yes I am aware of that, however I don't feel you can base your choice for president on "one" single issue alone. That coupled with the fact that I personally feel that Roe v Wade will never be overturned in this country, ever.

"Well by casting your vote for him tonight you are responsible for contributing to babies being killed, you will be held responsible, and judged for that"

WHooooooooh, WTF, last time I checked I wasn't writing support checks to the the local abortion clinic. I am sure most of you have figured out I am personally against abortion, I feel it's taking a life, plain and simple. But I don't have the right to judge others for the legal choices they make. I've sat in the abortion clinic with a friend as she made that choice, and I've witnessed the aftermath of such choices. Regardless of the degree there are ramifications of such a decision , I've been witness to that. Regardless I think nothing less of this person and am grateful I have never had to walk a mile in her shoes.

But as far as being "personally" responsible- I don't agree... Look I am the first to admit I'm a sinner, hell (see what I mean) I'm sure my hommie J.C. is shaking his head and rolling his eyes at me about every 30 seconds. I'm not perfect, I admit it, but when it comes to sins I've asked absolution killer is not on that list. I'll leave it up to you imagination what will be though....Later wankers gotta go Father Fitzpatrick is holding the confessional booth for me.

Before You comment! Disclaimer: This post is not an invitation to debate the moral or political aspects of abortion. I know what my position is, you know what yours is, and I am not trying to convince you in anyway to agree with me, and personally nothing you say to me or I could say to you will in essence sway any one's let's leave it at that.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Do You Hear What I Hear?

I jumped in my car Saturday morning, rustled around in my purse looking for my iPod, only to discover it was deader than a doornail, go figure you gotta actually charge those things every once in a while.

Guess I’ll have to listen to the radio, something I very rarely do unless there is a ball game on…So I flip the tuner to the first non-sports talk station I find and I’m completely floored……What’s this I hear? ……Jingle Bells? Grandma got run over by a reindeer?

Have I stepped into some time travel vortex in which I’ve speed traveled a month into the future? No, actually, the yahoo’s at this particular radio station decided that the day after Halloween was an appropriate time to start playing Christmas music 24/7.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a Christmas song as much as the next person but a full 8 weeks before the actual holiday is a bit much….don’t cha think? I mean I hadn’t even flossed out all the candy corn out of my teeth yet and they are wanting me to deck my halls with boughs of holly….. Personally I think there ought to be a one week minimum waiting period before the next holiday can even be mentioned, give our bodies a chance to come down from the sugar highs at least people……..sheeeeeeeze.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

I'll give you a trick for not giving me a treat......

Now that Kwame is locked up and his mouth duct taped shut, I thought it was safe to claim the ghetto as my home again, but as we all know you can't fix stupid........
Mich. woman: Supporting Obama? No treats for you
Sat Nov 1, 4:29 pm ET
GROSSE POINTE FARMS, Mich. – A suburban Detroit woman has decided to scare up the vote among neighborhood children by just offering treats to John McCain supporters.
Shirley Nagel of Grosse Pointe Farms, Mich., handed out candy Friday only to those who shared her support for the Republican presidential candidate and his running mate Sarah Palin. Others were turned away empty-handed.
TV station WJBK says a sign outside Nagel's house warned: "No handouts for Obama supporters, liars, tricksters or kids of supporters."
Nagel calls Democrat Barack Obama "scary." When asked about children who were turned away empty-handed and crying, she said: "Oh well. Everybody has a choice."
Fax and phone messages left at numbers for Nagel were not returned.

But Kat was able to get an exclusive on what Ms Nagel's house looked like the morning after....

Damn those ghetto kiddies take their trick or treating seriously......................

Saturday, November 01, 2008

You can't Make Me......

Since this country was founded, we as American Citizens are granted unalienable rights that our constitution guarantees us. Personally I feel, one of the most important rights that is mentioned in our constitution is the right to free speech.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

These are the exact words used by the Framers when they drafted the Constitution hundreds of years ago. Since then there have been people trying to abolish this right by censoring things that the American public has a right to say if they so choose. I have never been a proponent of Censorship, and feel it is unconstitutional at its basic level.

Freedom of speech and expression is one of the most important rights that we have in this country. Our forefathers knew this and acknowledged this in our constitution which protects our rights as citizens in America. Censorship is a complete contradiction to this concept that has helped make America the country it is, flaws and all.

I’ve always been a proponent of Free Speech, especially when it comes to my blog. I not only embrace this right for myself but also my readers. When I hear about other bloggers who are being banned from participating in Social Network Sites, because of their opinions on THEIR OWN Blog, I get a little pissy! These bloggers pages are privately owned and more importantly they are not required to adhere to the social networks level of censorship. In other words, it’s not your turf big brother so bug the fuck off. I think I made that idea perfectly clear with my post last Saturday.

Look bloggers, and blog readers, if we don’t stand up for your rights to free speech, your voice just might someday be silenced…..Believe me there are people out there right now trying to silence, ban and censor things from the American Public, things that as Americans we have the right to say…..Don’t let your voice be silenced.