Sunday, September 23, 2007

Anybody Got Some Fabreeze?

Every year there always seems to be one squirrely kid on my case load that just bugs the life out of the other teachers on my team. Now usually it's a kid with discipline issues, but this year I have to say I have a very well behaved group.

This year it's a student named Harley, yeah I know the first thing I did was to check his file to see if his middle name was Davidson, what were his parents thinking..with a name like that they completely set him up for unwanted attention.

Anyway in the realm of squirrely behavior Harley doesn't really register off the radar...he's rather somewhat normal in a sense. Never the less Harley has already established himself a distinct reputation...specifically a rather proudoundly pungent reputation.

At first it was just his body odor that offended everyone, and who is the brainiack that scheduled the kid for first hour gym anyway. Nothing like the smell of arm pit odor first thing in the morning to get the blood flowing. To be honest I didn't really notice the problem at first because I am the only teacher on my team with air conditioning in my room, yeah spoiled I know. But this past week Harley has taken on a new and improved and unmistakable malodorous stench, that "how do I say" this delicately...OK there's no other way to say this but that he smells like "SHIT". That's right..crap, pooh, meadow muffins, how ever you choose to call it it's still smells the same, like shit.

He was so odorous that the teacher actually kicked him out of third hour one day and made him go to the counselors office to get a lesson on personal hygiene. I kinda feel sorry for the kid, he reminds me so much of Jerry O'Connels character in that movie Stand By Me. You know that lovable fat kid that just doesn't quite fit in the group..he even has the same buzz cut and striped shirt.

Anyway the team was discussing the problem and a solution to it during planning time the next day. I suggested a stick up under his desk then J suggested one of those car air fresheners, of course I had to tweak the idea a bit by adding that he could wear it around his neck on a lanyard. Then we could even change them with the seasons. I know we are cruel but hell the stench is unbearable. Basically we realized there wasn't much we could do about the situation and pretty much succumbed to the fact it is going to be a "stinky" year. Sorry couldn't resist that one.

Later that day the History teacher came in my room to show me a student's paper, she wanted me to read the response of the student to the following question: "Name two areas in your life in which you think the government should have no say in what you do"

The response was a bit strange and well kinda entertaining..."I think the government should have no say in what I do in the bathroom. What I choose to do or not to do in there is private and they have no right to know what I am doing. OK a funny response but not as funny as when she showed me who had written it....none other than Mr. Stinky himself. I was completely cracking up, in this case I think the government needs to be in the bathroom monitoring to see if you are wiping that butt crack of yours ! Because you are obviously skipping that little task after you take your morning shit! Harley you may stink to high heaven but you did give me my first good laugh of the school year....

I could have sworn you said Betty Crocker...

About pissed my pants when i saw if he'd just use his powers for good and not emo

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Congratulations Pudge

Rodriguez played his 2,057th game as a catcher, passing Gary Carter for third on the all-time list, and trailing just Carlton Fisk (2,226) and Bob Boone (2,225) in games behind the plate in major league history. ... Yeah Hirp I guess he as been on his knees for a long time, but the word is he's not budging from the Ghetto anytime soon. Again Congrats Pudge. And Damn adjust that cup boy you are bulging lol

Friday, September 21, 2007

A Piece of History For Sale

My bloved Tiger Stadium at the corner of Michigan and Tremble is scheduled to be torn down soon, and as with every great piece of archetecture in the City of Detroit, it is being stripped of its treasures and they are going on the auction block. I mean they are selling everything, every last seat, sign, consession booth, dugout bench, and equiptment's a chance of a lifetime for a Tigers fan. Since my Dad is a huge fan I thought it would be a great opportunity to get a unique piece of history for him as a Christmas Present. So I went to the site to go shopping for ideas lets see what should I bid on....hummm

Al Kaline's coveted corner locker...that he would love..but hell already bid up way past my budget and well where the hell would he put it ...Oh here is the perfect gift...

a urnal from the Tiger dad can piss like a champ, ok it would be even better if the Tiger logo was on it, that would be priceless to see his reaction when he opened it, might be worth it just for the laughs...ok I guess something more practical....

This would be great...he hates the Yanks

Ok so I decided that stadium chairs would be the best option, and hell there are enough of them..but let's complicate things, I want the seats he had for his season tickets since I was a kid...that would be the Kat's meow and hell I know it would litterally bring tears to his eyes...but as it is the seats are not inventoried and no way to find those exact I guess I will settle on a pair of these..Hope I win them and don't have to take a second mortgage out to pay for them. Oh and Dad I expect you to leave these to me in your will, but hopefully not for a long time.

September Baseball

This summer, for the first time in quite some time , has reminded me just how extreme my Tigers have tended to play throughout the history of the franchise, at least for as long as I can remember in my 36 years.

Most cities that have major league teams are used to their club being there on the outside edge of contention when approaching the last stretch of the season, especially during the wild card era. But even I have to admit that for the most part the Tigers have been dreadful this September. There are many more teams in the National League that are within reachable grasp of the wild card spots, and several are in neck to neck divisional races.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love to see my guys win, and play well, but I have never been oblivious to other player’s talents. Like the night I was in Applebe’s wanting to watch the Tigers game but they ironically had the Yankee’s game on, sure I was rooting for them to lose, hell my guys needed to gain some ground on the wild card spot, but I also was able to appreciate a true baseball moment also. But you know it did create an interesting dynamic, as I commented on Derek Jetter hitting a big homerun against the Red Sox in Fenway Park. I couldn’t resist my accolades....even for a player on a team that I so desperately wanted to lose that night.

Of course I got a few what the hell looks from fellow customers that looked at me as if I was some trader, while I sat there decked out in my Tigers T-shirt. But in that moment I wasn’t even thinking about my team, I was just reveling in a great baseball moment. But it was hurtful to the Tiger Fans none the less, and I can understand their reasoning. All the sudden these past two seasons we have been winning, and up to a few days ago it looked as if we had a decent shot to overtake the Yanks in the wild card. And well, us Tiger fans we cling onto hope as we always do....and sort of forget about the past transgressions and short falling of our team.

Historically we either jump way out in front of every other team like we did in ’68,and ’84 or even like last season we get involved in these white knuckle races like the one’s in ’72, 87 and 88. But in most cases we are done by September...but it doesn’t matter really...we are a forgiving bunch of rag tag fans and although we can be disappointed time and time again we still come will I, call me weird but I love September baseball, it’s what hopes and dreams are made of....maybe just not for my boys this year.

On a lighter least we are playing a hella lot better than the Cardinals, talk about not living up last seasons potential.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Technology Sucks

I haven't blogged lately mainly due to the fact that my lap top is fucked up, completely dead, and my desk top is a mess also.I drove all the way to best buy yesterday, an hour and a half round trip no less, to have them look at it and with in thirty seconds say we can't help you. Seems I have to send it to Dell, pay for the shipping and it's a $159 minimum charge to just look at it, let alone fix it.

Now I can buy a new one for $469 dollars, so for a little more than double the minimum cost I can get a new one, ok homey doesn't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out what is the best thing to do, well maybe. But this is the kicker in the situation, Drew dropped the laptop, and not really even a hard drop, and most likely it's something so trivial that is wrong with it. I really am in a I buy a new one, but then wonder for the rest of my life if it was just some flipping $20 part that needed to be replaced.

But then what do I do with the old one? And I know everytime I look at the old one I am going to be wondering if I freaking made the right decision... I am going to have to like bury that fucker in my back yard just to get it out of my site before it drives me insane. Ok I am flipping and flopping more than John Kerry in the last presidenial election, I am totally exhausting myself debating this in my head, getting on line right now to order the new one...Fuck this indecisevness. And I don't think I am making a good case for myself ...weird 1 quirky 0.

Noah Webster Can Kiss My Ass

Yeah Noah Webster, you know the guy who wrote the book that is most respected authority in the American household, well that's a bit of a stretch, but at least it is among die hard scrabble players. Webster's Dictionary, it used to be my friend until now. Yes, I know an odd way to begin a post but my insanity will make more sense in a few minutes.

As an educator I really shouldn't be telling the author of such an important teaching tool to kiss my lilly white ass but I am, and this is why.

Although it may be hard to believe, all my adult life I have been refereed to as being "weird", however I have always preferred the term "quirky". Now I have this ongoing debate with a friend and well my therapist has also jumped on the band wagon with this. They insist that you can not assign a label to your personality, that any assigned adjectives must be perceived by others not yourself.

So it was suggested that I look up the definition of these two terms and compare their meanings....this is where the kissing my ass part comes in. According to Webster, quirky is defined as A peculiarity of behavior; an idiosyncrasy
OK that's a bit vague, lets look at synonyms, you know words that are similar in meaning, sorry slipped into teacher mode for a second there.

Anyway synonyms for quirky: bizarre, far out*, freakish, freaky*, idiosyncratic, in left field*, kinky*, odd, off-the-wall*, out of the ordinary, outre, peculiar, strange, unconventional, unorthodox, unusual, wacky*, way-out*, weird

This is totally NOT boding well for my argument when the words weird, freakish and strange are considered to be interchangeable with my preferred term quirky. Ok what the fuck does Webster know, he wrote that damn book back in what the 1700's not like the term even really existed then, I need a more current source, so as any good teacher does she turns to the Urban Dictionary. What? Gotta keep up with the ghetto slang, have to know when I am being dissed by my students. Yes the Urban Dictionary will definitely plead my case for me that I am NOT weird but rather quirky.

A word often used by narcissistic scenesters when they describe their oh-so-unique selves in their Livejournal user info pages in attempts to sound like interesting people.

It is a word best used by one person to describe another Those who apply "quirky" to themselves thereby call into question their very own "quirkiness" by appearing seeming gleefully self-aware (just like everyone else)..OK so I am fucked, I can't assign this wonderful adjective to myself according to this definition, so along with Webster you can kiss my ass also.

So have I settled this heated debate as to wheather I am weird or quirky? Hell no, all I have learned is that well it's not acceptable to call yourself quriky even though you very well maybe. I guess it's up to the public's opinion and well I think that weird is gonna win out. Oh well, life goes on, and well if you want to know the definition of weird....look it up or hell just keep reading this blog I am sure you can find loads of evidence to make your case. However, if you read carefully the Urban dictionary says the term quirky is "best used to describe another", so tecnically I can use the term about myself, right? Oh come on, it's kinda like the expiration date on that carton of eggs in your refigerator, best when used by this date...doesn't mean that the eggs are spoiled if you use them a week after the date listed, right? Don't you love how I can manipulate the definition to suit my needs? Now that's what I call quirky....

Reality Sucks

I can't tell you how much reality sucks right now. Tomorrow starts the second full week of work for me since my summer break ended. Yeah I know boo hoo for me, but hell my body is having a hella time getting back into the groove. 5 am rolls around way way to soon, and I am exhausted by the end of the day....but I seem to have a great group of kids, and as usual there are the token students. One obvious perve who has made already tried to name himself teacher's pet. One very very scary student who stares at me like he wants to kill me in his sleep, the token air head who is oblivious to her environment and the fact that she is at school to actually learn, and then one student that just is way too normal to be in my classroom, actually gets her work done in record time and is totally unchallenged to the curriculum...all in all should be a good year, although I certainly hope their personalities start to come out a little bit more.

My new team is great, and we all share a common sick sense of humor...well all of us but one guy..he is just a bit too tightly wound and I love to jerk his chain every chance I get. He was bragging about the small size of his language arts class and I told him flat out to SHUT UP!!! Of course his expression was of shock and dismay while the rest of the team just burst out laughing at my verbal smack down. Told him that when his general education class is smaller than my special education classes there is something incredibly wrong. I swear he flinches now when I get within 5 feet of him, like he's afaid I'm gonna sucker punch him or something..Oh yes it is going to be a fun year.

Monday, September 10, 2007

The First Victim

I noticed on the way home that people were beginning to prepare for rememberance of 9/11. As the flags began to appear outside of homes and businesses, I reflected upon the time that has passed since that day. How we as a country have changed, how things aren't the same as they were pre 9/11 and never will be again.....but this is the world we live in now. And so I remember the victims of 9/11, and the day they had their lives violently cut short, and how my view of the world changed forever.

Father Judge's body bag was labeled "Victim 0001," recognized as the first official victim of the September 11, 2001 attacks, he was the first, but of course not the last. Let's hope that as a country, we never experience again the terrors of that September day.

Every Texters Nightmare......

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Good God It Can't Be!

It can NOT be September already , Holy hell where did my summer vacation go?