Wednesday, May 27, 2009

An Incomplete List Of Good Things

In no particual order
The smell of a freshly bathed new born baby
Not having to set the alarm clock
Freshly washed sheets
A warm towel when you step out of the shower on a cold morning
Watermellon Jolly Ranchers
Feeling comfortable with self-contradiction
Bald heads
The feel of a good pair of jeans
Anderson Cooper in an Armani Suit
Black High Heels
The Detroit Tigers
A Large Diet with Light Ice
Grey Hair on Young Men
Good Fiction
Taco Bells that are open til 4 a.m.
Summer Vacation
Anderson Cooper in Kevlar
Drinking a cold beer on the patio
Singing Lillybeth to sleep
Boyshorts in every color
Proudly Flying Your Freak Flag
Text Messaging
A new tube of lipstick
My students telling me they wish I were their Mom
A clean Desk
Bubble Baths
Carmel Apple Empanada's
Beer Buzzes
Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band
Good Friends
Other People's Weddings
Hallmark Cards
Road Trips
Freedom to think what I want

Monday, May 25, 2009

Teach Your Children Well

On any given day, I hear some pretty interesting things as I roam the halls of the middle school where I teach. Some of the things I hear crack me up like one of my female students telling her friend that it’s hard work being “this” stupid.” Or another who shouted to the entire 8th grade wing that “everything’s good in my life now that I’m a lesbian” Alrighty then.

Mostly though, I hear a lot of disturbing stuff. Once as I was sitting at my desk during hall passing, I heard a girl scream, and I mean scream at the top of her lungs, to her friend in the hall, "I got LAID last night!" I felt like walking out there and offering her congratulations on her amazing accomplishment. God knows it is a challenge to find someone to sleep with you when you are a teenage girl with low self-esteem.

By far the most horrifying thing I have ever overheard was said by a girl that was no older than 13. I was running for my life out the door after the final bell…I mean leaving the building, and passed the mass of students waiting by the exit for their buses. This is a particularly perilous time to leave the building for various reasons, not the least of which is that you are likely to overhear students in their first moments of freedom after being held captive in school all day. They are loud. They are rude. And they are crude. Apparently, they are also whores.

So here’s what I heard on Wednesday when I left work: A few boys and one girl were standing together waiting for the bus. One of the boys was carrying a platter of cookies, which he probably made in his "Foods" class. The girl said "I'll give you a blow job for one of those cookies."

Now, you have to understand I have 900 plus kids in my building and I walk past probably every one of them on a weekly basis. I hear stuff that I have to let slide, swearing that would make a sailor blush, student’s dissing each other and teachers, arguments--even if it is my instinct is to turn around and beat the shit out of the offender. If I stopped every kid that didn’t adhere to school rules, I’d never teach a lesson. I didn’t exactly let this girl slide though, As I stopped dead in my tracks and shot her a death stare, this misguided girl realized she had offered a blow job for a plate of cookies in front of a teacher. I simply turned to her and said, "Could you please leave the trash talk for when you leave the building, I’m not interested in the services you are willing to give away in exchange for baked goods.”

When I got in my car, I could not help but think I should have said more. But what? What can I possibly say to a 13-year-old who is willing to offer a blow job for a cookie? The worst part was her reaction, or lack of one. She glanced at me with this coy look on her face, “Oh look I'm so ashamed that this teacher heard me being slutty. I'm so naughty aren't I boys?” I wanted to drag her by the hair into my car and tell her that she was making a fool out of herself, that at this rate she might as well put on the clear stripper shoes and practice her pole dancing skills.

On one hand, I find this story a bit amusing. On the other hand, I find it disturbing. If it happened in a movie that was a parody about how high school girls are turning into cheap whores with low self-esteem, I would find it hilarious. But it was not a movie. It happened in my school, with one of my students, and it was a real girl with obviously low self-esteem who, at the very least, thought it was appropriate to portray herself as a cheap whore.

*** Those of you coming to this post via the Homeschooling website should read my rebutal before you post a comment....
(Warning this is a long post so bear with me….this needs to be said) They say in the blogging world……………… That you’ve really not made it until you have your first heckler….well if that’s true I’ve made it a couple times over. You see yesterday I checked my stat counter on my blog and noticed it was going nuts. Tad bit strange because even on a good day I don’t get much more that 50-80 visitors in a given day. My count by midnight last night was over 350, ok it doesn’t take Einstein to figure out somethings up, so I pull up my stat counter account and notice a large amount of the hits were coming to the same entry….my “Teach Your Children Well” post.

So I click on one of the incoming links….it’s an article on a Home Schooling web page…and there was a link to my post in the article. Now to be completely honest the writer of the article was very pleasant when referring to my post…well actually this is exactly what she said:

Recently, my husband came across a blog entry by a middle-school teacher that was so shocking that he waited until our kids were out of the room before calling me over to read it. The blog entry [warning: obscene language] related a conversation this teacher overheard as she left school one afternoon. She passed a group of several boys and one girl (about 13) waiting for the bus. One of the boys had a plate of cookies. The teacher heard the girl say, "I'll give you a blow job for one of those cookies." (Pause for a moment to marvel at how the heck a 13-year-old girl even knows what a blow job is.)

My husband e-mailed the teacher and expressed sympathy for the toughness of her job. The woman e-mailed back a weary verbal shrug and said it was all in a day's work. Now I don’t have any gripes with the fact that this woman chose my post to promote her home schooling agenda, hell kudo’s to her…that’s just good persuasive writing skills at work, and I have to admit it’s a good example of at least one particular problem that middle school teachers face in public schools.

One thing I do have a problem with is the part where she said her husband emailed me and my response. I didn’t recall getting an email from her husband and I checked my email both in and out box back before the post date and ummmmm no you didn’t email me, and I didn’t respond with a weary verbal shrug. Now I am not calling the man a liar it is quite possible that he confused me with another person he emailed, so I’m letting it go.

But had I responded, I would certainly have stated that unfortunately it is sad that these behaviors occur, and would have given a hell of a lot more piece of my mind than a simple shrug of my shoulders, and I would have offered a solution to the problem. But moving on cuz there is soooooooo much more to this story than a fabricated email response. The big picture here was that they linked my post, comprehended it and treated me with respect, so I will in turn do the same.

Now of the over three hundred and fifty hits to this post from the homeschooling website (ummm no I am not linking back sorry no link love from me) I only got feedback from three readers. Well lets just see what my new fan club had to say about me, yes me not my post… let’s break it down….

Anonymous said... So that kind of "trash talk" was upsetting, but underneath your title, you note that you're a "little fucking ray of sunshine". Oh, I see here in the comments section, it says, "Go ahead Fuck with me I dare ya". So you can say "fuck" all day long, but this kind of language offends you? Hypocrite, much?

First off Mr/Mrs. Anonymous, I don’t go around saying fuck all day long. And I never said I was offended by the word Fuck….obviously I use it quite a bit ! What I was horrified by was the fact that she was offering to suck a guys cock for a cookie, and if you had read and comprehended both the post on the homeschool website and my post you would have gotten that.

No I am not a Hypocrite, just because I use the word FUCK along with many other offensive words on my personal blog, which by the way no one forced you to read and comment on, does not mean that I don’t know when and where it is appropriate. Hypocrite I don’t think so.

Onto new fan Number 2: “You're blog is a perfect example of adults who should be an example to teens, and are not. Your blog is ridden with profanity, toothbrushes with jokes on ''ORAL'' ''wankers'' as commenters, and ''Go ahead and FK with me, I dare you'' is the final words of wisdom I see from you.

A practicing Catholic at confession: ''Honestly I think the triple combination of premarital sex, the use of birth control and the mention of ''double penetration'' was too much for him, go figure. Incidentally, I embellished the story just a little, I admit I am evil. I wanted to see (or should I say hear) him squirm.'' Charming confession. Read your conversation to a Priest, and then write on how teens are vulgar, and speak like truck drivers! Rather hypocritical. Thank God you don’t teach my child.”

First of all as a teacher, I am not required to be your child’s role model 24/7. I am their authority figure during school hours only and guess what….It is YOUR responsibility to take care of your child outside of school. What I do during my off hours and what I say on my personal blog is my business not yours! You were warned before even clicking through to my site that it contained obscene language…YOU chose to precede. You could have looked away or better yet looked past the two offensive words you came across and looked at the big picture, the message in the post……however you chose to attack me on a personal level. Real intelligent move, and such a good example for your children, does your curriculum include lessons on sticking your head up your ass?

The fact that you then choose to root around my blog to find a post in which to rip me again just further proves your ignorance. My confession post has nothing to do with my job as an educator. And if you had half a brain you’d have realized it was for comic relief…..Charming confession, yes, honest, yes, hypocritical no, rather I believe your judgmental attitude and comments just prove how shallow you are.

Once again I never said I was offended by obscene language…..obviously you and commenter number one have comprehension problems. As for your final comment to me ---“Thank God you don’t teach my children” for that one comment you left, I have had hundreds of parents tell me “Thank God you are my child’s teacher” and that is more powerful than any trolls who could leave me cowardly anonymous comments on my blog.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Been There Done That

I was shopping one day in Kohls with my daughter, when we turned the corner heading to the little sluts in training department....I mean the little girls clothing department…that’s when I smelled it. That smell that instantly transported me back to my youth, to my glory days. Well they were far from glory days but it did remind me of a lot of my teenage years. Yes that unmistakable smell of jellies, seems those odoriferous petroleum smelling soft jellyfish like sandals that you could smell coming a mile away are making a comeback.

Now I wasn’t born in the eighties but I did graduate from being a kid to becoming an adult during that decade, well in theory I did. But it got me reminiscing about that time and the things we all thought were so cool as teenagers and young adults.

Sadly I can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off or when he was simply talented and not a freak of nature.
Seeing every brat pack movie, and wanting to desperately be like Molly Ringwald’s character in the Breakfast Club, but more resembling the Ally Sheedy’s emo character deep down.

But the clothes…..god I loved the clothes, what the hell was I thinking that this shit resembled anything but cool. And no Greg I didn’t wear the Madonna wanna be slut clothes like you think, (at least not while I was in the company of my mother) but I have to admit I was a fashion diva, at least I thought so.

Izod shirts with the little green alligators worn with the collar up, does anyone even wear idoz shirts any more?

A banana clip in my hair with one of those slap on wrist bands to match my outfit, oh yeah I was stylish. Don’t forget to roll up the bottoms of your splatter painted jeans, and throw on a pair of white ankle socks with your jellies, or your feet would smell from here to eternity by the end of the day.

Yes the eighty’s were good to Kat, seems like a lifetime ago. It was the decade with some good memories, seeing my 84’ Tigers win the World Series in Game 5 with my Dad was priceless. Growing into my body and who I wanted to become in life. Choosing a major in college, and going on to not regret that decision to become a teacher one day in my adult life. Yeah good times…. However, no matter how much those jellies look tempting to me I won’t be caught dead in them. I am happy having my memories, good and bad of my youth and not anxious to relive them. No going Back to the Future for this girl, I’m living large in the present.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Counting Down

I have exactly 21 days left of school this year, hell where did the time go. As much as I need the break I have to admit that I am really going to miss my students this year.

They are such a quirky bunch of kids, and well I just love them to death. They are the first group to really "get my humor" and well I don't know.... as much as they annony the hell out of me at times and insist on telling me every little off the wall thought that comes into their head, I will miss them.

So as the end of the school year approaches, I am already looking forward to next year, thinking about how I will do things differently, what lesson plans I want to try out, getting my supply list ready for the fall.

But this year is going to be a little bitter sweet for me, and I just might be a little flaclempt when the final bell rings on the last day of school and they trample over me leaving, to run like hell to the busses. Run Forest Run, ok that was mean, but well it was funny so sue me.

Yeah it's gonna be a little emotional, but I am sure I will get over it that first morning I don't have to hit the alarm button at 5 a.m.