Thursday, November 29, 2007

In Case You Wondered......

Why bicycle shorts are always black!!

And NOT Red

Holy Hell that shit should be illegal!!!

Fun with words

Working with special needs students can be exhausting to say the least, however it can also be rewarding and well more importantly entertaining. Since the majority of my students can only read at the third grade level, (they are in eighth grade) I'm required to teach them phonics daily from a district approved curriculum. The lesson from the unit I am teaching this week involved the students writing sentences from a list of vocabulary words provided in the lesson. Today's vocabulary words included the following:


Are you kidding me people??? I teach middle schoolers! Seriously people I couldn't make this shit up if I tried....I am sure you can imagine what kinds of sentences I'd end up with. Needless to say I didn't assign this to my kids, however I am assigning it to my readers...that's right You have homework! So get busy and write me some sentences!!! Can't wait to see if you make the grade.

Monday, November 26, 2007

My Nightmare Before Christmas

I have to admit, I'm one of those women...that's right I actually went shopping on black Friday. I know, I know, crazy. But well I wasn't alone in my insanity, that's the problem. Now I very rarely do the early bird post Thanksgiving sale, maybe oh I'd say every 5 years or so. And its usually only if there's something that's a really incredible deal. In this case a $300 item for $99.

I have to admit I'm a rookie and I don't hold a candle to those professional bargain hunting women who will stop at noting to get that last coveted item they are looking for. It's all good thought, to each her own, but what bugged me the most were the women and men who dragged their children out in the wee hours of the morning to help them snag their booty. I can't tell you how many kids I saw loaded down with mesh sacks strapped to their chests stuffed to the brim with clothes, and toys. And if that weren't enough these glorified pack mules were also expected to drag king size pillows in each hand (after all they were buy one get one free) as they struggled to find their way through the maze of people toward the check out lane.

I swear these women would sell their child's soul to the devil himself for the chance to qualify for a free $10 Kohl's gift card. Seriously people get a grip! Let you children stay home in their footed P.J's all snuggled under their blankets dreaming of all those presents Santa, AKA Ninja Shopper Mom, will be placing under the tree. Silly me but I think that dragging you child shopping with you kinda puts a crimp in the whole Santa story line.

If I were a betting kinda gal, I'd wager that the one item that those women broke their necks to find will be the least appreciated and played with gift received.I guess this is a prime example that the thrill of the hunt is more exciting than the kill itself.

Friday, November 16, 2007

How Do You Get An OSU Grad Off Your Front Porch?

In Wolverine country, we take the Michigan-Ohio State rivalry seriously. When you apply for your drivers licence in Michigan you are required to take an oath to hate the Ohio State Buckeyes for life and seal such oath by signing your name in blood. We're not nice to Bucknuts that invade our town every other year, not by any means and if you dare to wear scarlet and gray then you have earned yourself some choice words from the Michigan faithful, or maybe even a stray water balloon tossed in your direction.

But you buckeyes take it up a notch, to a seemingly sicking level sometimes. Buckeye fans have been known to assault opposing fans while the Columbus cops turn a blind eye. To Ohio State fans, a sucker punch is an acceptable form of behavior when a Michigan fan is on the receiving end.

That's not rivalry. That's just being an ass, but what do you expect from a Buckeye. last I checked physical intimidation was not a legit reason why Columbus is a tough place to play.

The same dichotomy (It's a big word, I know. Ohio State students, I recommend applies to the respective athletic departments as well.
In Ann Arbor, the visiting Buckeyes are greeted by a friendly athletic department representative, who guides the team to the visitors' locker room.

In Columbus, the visiting Wolverines are greeted by not-so-friendly attack dogs, in a "security measure" that Ohio State takes against no other team. That' s a bit excessive, especially when the hardened criminals usually hail from Columbus (insert your own Maurice Clarett joke here).

But when your all-time record against Michigan is 39-57-6, you need every unfair advantage you can get. At least that's how the screwed-up thinking goes in Bucknut country.

Michigan boasts some of the most iconic traditions in sports. Touching the Go Blue banner. Winged helmets. The world's greatest fight song: "The Victors."

What do you guys have? A fat tuba player who high-steps to dot the 'i' in a script Ohio. Wow. I can feel the goosebumps already. Which by the way. you couldn't even come up with that lame-ass tradition on your own. The Michigan Marching Band invented the script Ohio formation in 1932.

So yeah Today is another day in the Michigan-Ohio State rivalry, and the game is beign played on the one year anniversary of our Beloved Bo's do the man proud today boys.....GO BLUE!!!
Oh and the punch line to the joke of how to get an OSU grad off your front him for the pizza!!!! Snap!