Sunday, September 23, 2007

Anybody Got Some Fabreeze?

Every year there always seems to be one squirrely kid on my case load that just bugs the life out of the other teachers on my team. Now usually it's a kid with discipline issues, but this year I have to say I have a very well behaved group.

This year it's a student named Harley, yeah I know the first thing I did was to check his file to see if his middle name was Davidson, what were his parents thinking..with a name like that they completely set him up for unwanted attention.

Anyway in the realm of squirrely behavior Harley doesn't really register off the radar...he's rather somewhat normal in a sense. Never the less Harley has already established himself a distinct reputation...specifically a rather proudoundly pungent reputation.

At first it was just his body odor that offended everyone, and who is the brainiack that scheduled the kid for first hour gym anyway. Nothing like the smell of arm pit odor first thing in the morning to get the blood flowing. To be honest I didn't really notice the problem at first because I am the only teacher on my team with air conditioning in my room, yeah spoiled I know. But this past week Harley has taken on a new and improved and unmistakable malodorous stench, that "how do I say" this delicately...OK there's no other way to say this but that he smells like "SHIT". That's right..crap, pooh, meadow muffins, how ever you choose to call it it's still smells the same, like shit.

He was so odorous that the teacher actually kicked him out of third hour one day and made him go to the counselors office to get a lesson on personal hygiene. I kinda feel sorry for the kid, he reminds me so much of Jerry O'Connels character in that movie Stand By Me. You know that lovable fat kid that just doesn't quite fit in the group..he even has the same buzz cut and striped shirt.

Anyway the team was discussing the problem and a solution to it during planning time the next day. I suggested a stick up under his desk then J suggested one of those car air fresheners, of course I had to tweak the idea a bit by adding that he could wear it around his neck on a lanyard. Then we could even change them with the seasons. I know we are cruel but hell the stench is unbearable. Basically we realized there wasn't much we could do about the situation and pretty much succumbed to the fact it is going to be a "stinky" year. Sorry couldn't resist that one.

Later that day the History teacher came in my room to show me a student's paper, she wanted me to read the response of the student to the following question: "Name two areas in your life in which you think the government should have no say in what you do"

The response was a bit strange and well kinda entertaining..."I think the government should have no say in what I do in the bathroom. What I choose to do or not to do in there is private and they have no right to know what I am doing. OK a funny response but not as funny as when she showed me who had written it....none other than Mr. Stinky himself. I was completely cracking up, in this case I think the government needs to be in the bathroom monitoring to see if you are wiping that butt crack of yours ! Because you are obviously skipping that little task after you take your morning shit! Harley you may stink to high heaven but you did give me my first good laugh of the school year....