Sunday, November 16, 2008

Parent Teacher Conferences...the Prequel

Of the eighteen students I have I only had 5 of my actual students parents showed up for conferences, which is pretty pathetic if you think about it….but for those parents who couldn’t be bothered to meet with me….you do have the report card and its comments to fall back on. And just in case you need some help deciphering those comment codes us teachers use , Let me do a layman’s translation for ya.

Student is not working to their potential
Basically this means your child sets low personal standards for themselves and consistently fails to achieve them. There’s nothing worse than a kid with an IQ over 80 who consistently scores lower on assignments than my kids that are borderline Cognitively Impaired, how retarded is that?

Student is inattentive in class
In other words Johnny works well when under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat in a trap. But as long as I keep waving shiny objects in front of him he’s good to go. Note to self I need some more tin foil.

Student is talkative in class
Look your kid has verbal diarrhea, she couldn’t shut her pie hole if her life depended on it. She thinks nothing of carrying on a conversation while sitting 6 inches from me and when asked to shut her trap has the nerve to tell me “just a minute I am not finished”. I’m seriously considering a muzzle for her.

Working to capacity
I know this will sound heartless but this is the polite way of saying your kid is just a big sack of stupid. In other words the wheels are turning but the hamster died the first day of kindergarten. I hate to say it, but when he drank from the fountain of knowledge….he only gargled, and on top of that he spit out what little he took in.

Lacks effective study habits:
Instead of completing study guides for upcoming tests he draws inappropriate symbols such as swastikas and the conferderate flag, oh and don’t forget the other terms of endearment such as kike, gook, beaner and his all time fav my niggar….yeah it’s amazing that he can’t spell his way out of a paper bag but sure as hell can spell all those words right.

And last but not least….
Student takes on a leadership role….yeah more like his friends would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

***Don't leave me hate mail homeschoolers, and PTA Leaders, if you can't realize this was tongue in cheek then you need to take the stick outta your ass and watch some Cheech and Chong movies while smoking a fattie.